Dear Diary: 5 March 2025

This week didn’t start well. On Sunday night – I managed to get to sleep around 5:30am – only to be worken up by the cat wanting out of my room around 6am. She’s very sweet…. she jumps onto my bed and stands by my face and meows! I think I managed to fall asleep again – but got around another 20 mins – so total sleep before the start of the working week…. total of 50 mins – in two sessions!

I DID manage the full day – without any really difficulty – but I think that’s because it didnt hit me till the next day. Monday night I slept around 5 hours and felt like I had not slept at all. Last night (Tuesday night) I slept for around 8 hours.

Today I am very fatigued. I’ve not been able to go out to get food – so its been things like toast or takeaways. My fridge is empty but I NEED to go out to get stuff. Constant takeaways are costing a FORTUNE (one week I calculated that we had spent over £200 in takeaways in just that one week!) They are also not healthy and I do want to eat more healthily. So today I HAVE to go out. I’m dreading it to be honest.

I’ve also had my first – “Introducation” session with the ME/CFS service and while nothing said there was news to me – it WAS interesting and helpful to hear other people’s expereinces with ME/CFS.

I still remain unconvinced with the Graded Excercise that they again talked about. Currently I have a “balance” of sorts. I know from experience that if I do more than I am doing – I will crash. I have done this several times. I also know that my “work/life balance” is “out of whack”. I currently live to work. I don’t really have anything else apart from when I go on holiday (which btw usually still involves a lot of resting – they are never “active” holidays). I currently remain convinced that the only way to improve this will be to give up work – then I can spent my limited energy on things that “matter to me” and actually “live” my life rather than just be a slave to work.